Thank you for your honesty, your strength, and your persistence. There’s no statute of limitations on truth or healing and as a father of teenage girls, I am forever grateful that generations of women have found a voice, a moment, and a movement. I can only imagine what remains unspoken and the trauma that continues but something has happened over the last decade that feels like true progress. Imperfect progress, but tangible and persistent. I’m super proud of who you are. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks, Robert. Love you guys! And, you know, being raised by my second wave feminist mother made a big difference in how I saw the world. So much of what they believed in and advocated for has been part of the progress that was made that is being torn down, as we speak. But we'll keep speaking up!
I’ll always question our decision to raise our children in the Deep South, but I don’t have to question their commitment to truth and fairness and real human decency. I wish it was simple in practice, but at least they have role models and a family that isn’t afraid to speak truth. We’ve always got your back.
I'm sorry that happened to you and to countless others. I'd like to say the culture has changed--but so much and so many haven't. In the landscape of today, sexual exploitation seems to be making a strong comeback, gaining back ground that we thought was won. I appreciate and applaud your candor and your bravery in speaking up then and now. Here's hoping it helps make a difference.
What concerns me is that he progress that's been made is under such an assault right now and I wonder if I will see the pendulum swing back for my grown children before it's all said and done.
I wrote my tale of abuse set in 1986, albeit fictionalized, and published last year. I was shocked at all the negative comments. Today’s girls can’t understand why we stayed silent. We can’t explain the feeling of being blamed for becoming victims.
Here's the thing. There were students and even parents who did speak up at the time and still nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. There's also a new book out called, Fawning, which explains that trauma response. Staying silent is a way of protecting yourself. You stay silent because you know to speak up is even more dangerous.
That, the fear of speaking out, is exactly why. Older men were allowed to exhibit predatory behavior and somehow being a 14 year old wearing an in-fashion denim mini skirt was our fault. I’m sorry for your experience and mine. I’m glad you were brave enough to write it down. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your courage in sharing this powerful story. Your eloquence in telling your truth leads to healing for both the teller and the reader that shares that same truth!
Lanier, thank you for your bravery. That atmosphere of the 1970s (it really began at the unconscious level in pre-teens, for me from the late 60s), of letting men say and do what they wanted all came back when I read your essay. Although I managed to *just* escape it in high school, several friends around me were preyed on by faculty at a boarding arts high school you may know. Only a few years ago did a new administration have the guts to investigate and communicate with alumni about it and only then after several long, public, social media posts that couldn't be avoided. It took almost 50 years. I don't know how or if it helped anyone. But I know there are still alumnae who won't speak about what happened to them. Thank you for writing and all good wishes to you.
Oh, I remember that investigation well and watched closely because it was around the same time as Altamont's. I'd say both schools lawyered up and circled the wagons as most of them tend to do. I, too, know folks who can not speak about what happened to them, and I respect that. We all deal differently. I'm sorry about your friends. It never ceases to amaze me the legions of survivors out there. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Lanier thank you thank you for speaking up and continuing to be a champion for all girls and women. I’ve learned so much from you, and my perspective is forever changed for the better because of it. 🧡
Thank you, Dorothy. Those were strange times we lived through in high school. So much of the abuse was an open secret and so much more we didn't know about but came out later.
Thank you for your honesty, your strength, and your persistence. There’s no statute of limitations on truth or healing and as a father of teenage girls, I am forever grateful that generations of women have found a voice, a moment, and a movement. I can only imagine what remains unspoken and the trauma that continues but something has happened over the last decade that feels like true progress. Imperfect progress, but tangible and persistent. I’m super proud of who you are. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks, Robert. Love you guys! And, you know, being raised by my second wave feminist mother made a big difference in how I saw the world. So much of what they believed in and advocated for has been part of the progress that was made that is being torn down, as we speak. But we'll keep speaking up!
I’ll always question our decision to raise our children in the Deep South, but I don’t have to question their commitment to truth and fairness and real human decency. I wish it was simple in practice, but at least they have role models and a family that isn’t afraid to speak truth. We’ve always got your back.
I'm sorry that happened to you and to countless others. I'd like to say the culture has changed--but so much and so many haven't. In the landscape of today, sexual exploitation seems to be making a strong comeback, gaining back ground that we thought was won. I appreciate and applaud your candor and your bravery in speaking up then and now. Here's hoping it helps make a difference.
What concerns me is that he progress that's been made is under such an assault right now and I wonder if I will see the pendulum swing back for my grown children before it's all said and done.
Brave and brilliantly written, Lanier. Thank you for sharing this difficult, important story 💜
Thanks, Martha. I appreciate you so much.
I wrote my tale of abuse set in 1986, albeit fictionalized, and published last year. I was shocked at all the negative comments. Today’s girls can’t understand why we stayed silent. We can’t explain the feeling of being blamed for becoming victims.
Here's the thing. There were students and even parents who did speak up at the time and still nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. There's also a new book out called, Fawning, which explains that trauma response. Staying silent is a way of protecting yourself. You stay silent because you know to speak up is even more dangerous.
That, the fear of speaking out, is exactly why. Older men were allowed to exhibit predatory behavior and somehow being a 14 year old wearing an in-fashion denim mini skirt was our fault. I’m sorry for your experience and mine. I’m glad you were brave enough to write it down. Thank you for sharing.
I need to include the eighties in the title as well because that attitude was pervasive then.
Thank you for your courage in sharing this powerful story. Your eloquence in telling your truth leads to healing for both the teller and the reader that shares that same truth!
Thank you, Lisa!
Powerful and heart wrenching, Lanier. I am so angry that this happened and no one listened!!! Thank you for writing it! ❤️
Lanier, thank you for your bravery. That atmosphere of the 1970s (it really began at the unconscious level in pre-teens, for me from the late 60s), of letting men say and do what they wanted all came back when I read your essay. Although I managed to *just* escape it in high school, several friends around me were preyed on by faculty at a boarding arts high school you may know. Only a few years ago did a new administration have the guts to investigate and communicate with alumni about it and only then after several long, public, social media posts that couldn't be avoided. It took almost 50 years. I don't know how or if it helped anyone. But I know there are still alumnae who won't speak about what happened to them. Thank you for writing and all good wishes to you.
Oh, I remember that investigation well and watched closely because it was around the same time as Altamont's. I'd say both schools lawyered up and circled the wagons as most of them tend to do. I, too, know folks who can not speak about what happened to them, and I respect that. We all deal differently. I'm sorry about your friends. It never ceases to amaze me the legions of survivors out there. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Thank you for your courage to speak - in this climate that still struggles to protect its girls and believe women, I believe it gives hope to many
Thanks, Jeana! We are certainly living during a time when so many of our civil and reproductive rights are being stripped away from us.
Lanier thank you thank you for speaking up and continuing to be a champion for all girls and women. I’ve learned so much from you, and my perspective is forever changed for the better because of it. 🧡
And we thought when we met we were just going to do a little decluttering...
Ha! Right?!
I’m so sorry you went through this. Your courage is remarkable and will help other women to do the same. I’m so proud of you.
Thank you, Dorothy. Those were strange times we lived through in high school. So much of the abuse was an open secret and so much more we didn't know about but came out later.